literally had 100 drinks last night.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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