sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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