i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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