Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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