It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
