Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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