Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
