So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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