Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
