There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
