My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
