There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
