I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
