he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
