after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
