I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
