So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
