is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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