Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
