Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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