My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
