she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
