I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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