i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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