And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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