I faked an abortion last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
where are my eyebrows?
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