I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
