You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
