I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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