Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Houston, we have a blender
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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