thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
