Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
