wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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