my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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