There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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