I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
