I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
