May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
