I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
