you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
