the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
