If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
