My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
