I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i came on her dog
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
