I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
