I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
