So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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