I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
