You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My liver just had a heart attack.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
