Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
