Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
