So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this will be a night to untag.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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